And she fell...

why the beginning?

she has often wondered why everything in the end is called the "beginning".. she has often wondered who wrote all those words that she always wanted to hear? she often wondered when was it that she realised that she felt all those words she wanted to hear.. she often wondered how she always managed tears and laughter at the same instance when she recalled those words over and over again....

it had been difficult to embark on realisation but it had been so easy.. painfully easy to feel happy... she had imagined someone beautiful, someone clever and funny and someone she could own.. almost like some character whom she had read about in books.. stories.. evidence of the unreal.. but she still dreamt on.. for someone perfect..all that in her mind remained untrue.. spoke out loud in her heart.. and she thought not of age.. of kind.. of caste.. of differences... she just embraced what seemed closest to her reality.. she closed her eyes and felt her heart squeeze in pain and she smiled.. for she felt human... she felt pain so deep inside that it could not be untrue.. and she glowed..

For she fell in love.........

The Preface

for the time being...

as more and more time has been spent on growing up.. I have often wondered how i have evolved as a being.. not much I assume but I can be wrong.. as I have been for so many years. To be honest, it took an enormous amount of courage and an overdose of the very popular and very famous American series "SEX and the CITY" to get me to start writing this blog.. inspired by age old gossip about men, men and more men, it wasn't very easy to just start stating facts about how I feel about relationships or gender equality being a myth but yes someone wise advised," writing helps you understand better!" 

and so I started writing as did Carrie Bradshaw.. though it was very honourably for the NEW YORKER, I am happy writing for myself and for all young women who care to read and vouce their opinions..

A child is either born a boy or a "woman".. yes , you read pretty well, a "woman".. there is no childhood neither are there brown paper packages tied up in  strings or blue satin sashes.. its all a dream dreamt long ago and an illusion which comes to a quick end as soon as puberty strikes.. especially menstruation..

but all said and done.. we hate, we cry , we curse, we lie.. and we love....... murderously...

The "OTHER" woman...

Kohl-lined eyes and a blue skirt

Sometimes even a dash of red,

And she was beautiful for one more night

Before the sun rose,torn, from her bed..

The mirror glared and the sunbeams scorned..

The skirt shed tears from where it hung,

The patches cried with heartbroken sobs..

The blue that had soothed, now stung..

She sat bare from dawn to dusk..

With only void feelings to lend,

of what remained throttled in sheets

Unwashed, untouched... unkempt..

She lived in the pleasure of his leisure

But perished when conscience begun..

The daily knocking on the door..

The door that his beloved did shun..

Motionless at the doorway of solitude,

She stood endlessly as if she'd been,

Lured in by the mirage of love..

Tumbling upon the sands of sin..

Trapped in what made her mark days,

Imprisoned where they spared none..

He is called "The Tragic Hero"..

While she remains.. "The Other Woman"..

Suicidal

The walls never close in..

The doors do not shut on their own..

Every other mistake, isn’t sin

Every other soul isn’t lone..

The waters aren’t always so deep

Words may be bottled , never tinned

Crimes don’t sweat out with every sleep

All candles don’t blow out with every wind..

I have lit a candle..

And I know not why..

It sways with every breeze

That caressed the mighty sky

It turns so pale at dawn

Even sees it blue

Golden yellow at noon..

On my face that simmers true..

It blends with the morning glow..

And dances in its rainbow light

But bathes in silver waves..

To soothe the ravenous night..

But I don’t feel its warmth anymore..

Just the cold breeze that sways its flames

The light hurts my eyes as they close

Against the burning blur of familiar names

The sun sets early in the blue

The clouds aren’t black, just grey..

Its more magic than pain..

For I feel suicidal today..

"The Night Train To Deoli"

um. well... this is sorta strange...

today in English class, we read "The Night Train To Deoli" by Ruskin Bond..

so this is what i thought after reading it.. i'll keep the tittle unchanged...

Posts and stations.. the dingy metal,

The empty vacant sigh..

The dust,.. the storm and the lonely train

Slowly whistling by

"BAskets!!Baskets!! Its strong fine cane..."

I still remember her cry

I still remember the haunting smile

When the train kissed the station good-bye..

Her hands shook when she held my dream..

Of making our songs rhyme

Her eyes glistened with unspoken words

That i wanted to tell her just one more time..

She said she would wait

But i can't find her now..

I just live with the resounding lack..

There's a question unanswered,

Whether it was love or not..

For which i keep coming back?

Its a fantasy,

I nurture inside..

A dream i pretend i can see..

I wish this mirage..

Could come alive,

And i could see her waiting for me..

Raindrops and Panes

I was sitting by the window..the window which has a red pane..and everything outside it seems like a green lake with lots of blue and gold fishes swimming across the blur..I’m talking about the lake..it reflects the sky like pieces of broken glass splattered with mud..tinged brown..old..I look through that pane many a times a day.. I don’t really enjoy..its all part of the game..the game I named “error”..

The error is factious..blue in parts and pale yellow, the colour of molten gold at the end. I love caressing her and calling her beautiful..She never leaves me alone..almost like this solitude that I’ve surrendered to. She’s nice too..though sometimes a bit cruel.She makes me smile at tears and cry with

laughter..Now, isn’t that strange??

I know the raindrops by their pitter patter on my roof..They annoy me because they annoy my solitude and Error too at times..They like staying quiet and those cold drops of endless tears raining from the strips of blue above disturb them.. those droplets touched me sometimes..and whispered to my heart..and it sang in joy..I felt the reigning dance of the mists on the hidden palls of eve..drenching them in peace..I was afraid of the raindrops..they awoke in me warmth dat I had given away to the dark world..they made me feel different almost human again..I was scared Solitude might be irked..and Error sad at my abandonment..They had been friends so long..I was scared of losing them while trying to gather some idle fancies..raindrops..mists..hail..

I shut the window..the same..with the red pane..with the green lake outside gleaming under the risen sun as it shook its moist cloak in bronze light..the raindrops were no more..I had driven them away..brushing their fragrance from my soul..did I have one?? Solitude was happy..so was Error.. And me…???

I tried to be…

He Speaks...

he told me in whispers..

to lift my veil…

so he could drench my pride in valours..

he told me in whispers..

dat my palate pale

he wanted to paint in colors..

he fingered my hair..

let it scatter around..

he said it was d color of his pain..

he smoothened the black..

let it cover the ground..

he said it was passion,..insane..

he traced my face..

feeling the silence

he said it was his mermaid sunshine

he wiped the tears

feeling the kohl-lined fence..

he said,”the beauty’s all mine..”

he felt my pulse..

all over me..

he told me it was life..

he felt me sweat..

like the crystal sea..

he told me I was alive..

he kissed me once..

with his silver lips..

he told me we had met..

his kisses rained..

like drunken sips..

he said the night was wet..

he brushed his palms..

against me then..

he made dewdrops from the tears..

he moistened my lips

telling me when

he made music from the spheres..

he moved in harmony..

with his woven magic..

then he said it was time for good byes..

he kissed my soul..

and drank the love..

before gently opening my eyes..

he touched me again..

and I realized..

only I believed and so did he..

he moved away..

leaving the secret behind..

that my dream had made love to me.