Sunday, 13 December 2015

LUST

There was a forest. dark. forbidding and extremely familiar.
Fringes of burnt roses grew in one corner of forgotten weeded shrubbery almost like my grade V haircut, accidental fringes.
I did not feel pretty at all for eternity. 

But thats not the point. The story is of this forest, whose “weed-en” frames had solemn pictures of these burnt roses, never smiling. The paint of spring had worn off and an infinite potion of summer had been lost somewhere in the dark. It was a small vial of infinite beauty. Tinged by sunlight and cradled in its warmth.

Now, the roses were burnt. scared of autumn.
They wanted to wither away.
Death was poetical but not poetical when endured in excruciating pain and the disappointment of a boon succumbing to an accidental loss of the blessing in the mad frenzy of one intoxicating summer day.

But the forest had them prisoner.
They were thorny frames of timeless beauty.
Solace from the loneliness when the entirety of its being betrayed him in hibernation.
It would stare at them for hours, occasionally persuading a breeze to caress them just to hear their young giggles that grew into laughter and echoed like ripples of sexual tension through his body. The trees would shiver with want and the streams gurgle out moans of pleasure.

The forest would make advances as a doting lover by coaxing the blue birds to fly in from one corner to the other crooning away flirty love songs to the roses. He could never decide which flower pleased him the most.
The daisies with their innocent naive smiles or the water lilies with their pure conscience..
He loved them all.
But he lusted for the royalty. The roses.
The red attracted him in a way that was heart wrenching. He would be left breathless by the red, the slow decent of dew from each petal mirroring his green as if he could touch them through the dew.
He dreamt of lovers camping in his kingdom and remembered the intertwined silhouettes making strange patterns in their shadowy forms against the warm fire.
The fire burnt him a little, left a few scars but so did the roses with their teasing seduction.
He was madly in lust for them roses. But through peaks and occasional stares.
He loved it when it rained.
He imagined each raindrop drenching every part of the roses, the soft petals, the young buds….
He would crave to touch them the way the rain did. He wanted to draw sweetness from their core and caress the red tresses that haunted his nights to a tired morning that brought no peace. The lust simply grew.. and grew to an extent that he wanted to possess them no matter what.

So he framed them.
He knew already that the winters would paint them white.
But he also knew of a beautiful nightingale who would colour them red again, singing all night of love till every drop of blood from its little breast had made beautiful his roses..
It was this that he lusted for.
The smell of fresh blood from a singing nightingale’s little breast painting his dear roses red again.
The blood poured out in love invoked in him the best kind of lust.

One day when fancy made storms out of wishes.
His wish would come true too.
And maybe then he would lick the red off the roses and taste his own lust and make love to forbidden lust.



One day.
One day…

Monday, 7 December 2015

Naana

I have seen her grow up in memories of the past.
I have seen her fight her memories for too long.
I have seen her cry in front of a mirror that did’t recognise her.
I have seen her being beaten up black and blue.
I have seen her strip and not remember whether her negligee was hers at all.
I have seen her trying to drink the wrong drink.
I have seen her in the shadows crying for she was scared of the darkness.

I have seen her write and then forget what she had written.
I have seen her being flung back and forth trying to solve the mystery of her existence. 

Her name is Karen.
She died on the 4th of July 1978.
  
“Vanessa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Vanessa…………………”

my name is Vanessa.
I am Karen’s granddaughter.
I have seen her.
and helped her accept death.
But she is truly strong.. for that old a lady.


“Vanessa… could you get my reading glasses.”

“yes Nana… “

I took her glasses, brushed them off and kept them on the armrest of her armchair.

I know that she doesn't read.
But i do know where she likes her glasses to be.

Sunday, 6 December 2015

The Purge

There are no more lies to be told
No more love to be throttled,
Drizzle on me some more,
And i shall have you bottled.
Kept in a cellar,
Brewed for years….

Shadowed from the rest.
I shall be dancing naked, 
In sweet revenge --
For thats what i do best.
One for yesterday

one for tomorrow,
Every drop of you i shall seal..
In cryptic letters to the Almighty.
And to the darkness?
A poisoned meal.

I will bury your essence 
In the mystic caves -
While you toss and turn in your sleep...
Not one shall remember the Demon in you.
No more shall i weep.

But I shall remember
the winter months-
echoes of despair on frozen lands...
They might.
But i shall never forget.
The color of my blood on your hands…

They think i am evil,
The townspeople..
And on full moon nights i switch-
The loving wife of you by day--
And by night,
Your secret witch….

What is truly evil remains untold.
What is really said,
Is a lie...
Only the walls bear witness to the monster inside,

And darling... so do i....

Tuesday, 1 December 2015

The Ravens

Do you hear them not? 
Where the earth does shake?
Graves all rise, confused and distraught..
The ravens are awake!

He saw the silhouettes.
Heard the bells of doom.
Chained to his bride,
The solemn groom.

No one was at the church when it happened.
Just the crew,
And some cake.
There were lights galore,
Crystals and more,
But no one knew the ravens did wake

They stepped forward,
Fell in formal lines,
Monotony recited their vow.
The priest was bored—
But in the end,
The prick finished with a gallant bow.

And so— his job was done.
Such a performance!
The audience truly smitten.
There were tears of joy—
In every eye,
No wonder no one noticed them hidden.

They had all risen— to bless the newlyweds:
Too unaware to know——
The sacred vows were nothing but lines,
On a popular daily show.

Then came the wrath!
And then came the vengeance!
Defiance of the old by the new..
Then there was bloodshed,
Broken bones,
And the scattered heads of a few.
“We shall reunite”, they said.
“We shall conquer again,
with new vows and rules—-
And this time prepare 
To behead and destroy,
The monarchy of fools.”

“Fools who think “life” is greater than death,
Fools who repeat mistakes—-
of putting “life” on a pedestal
And not on burning stakes”

The forces promised that Death shall win,
In a battle that shall make—
Men and fools tremble with “life”
For the ravens are awake!

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Mirror...Mirror



It is strange that the person who wants to act in movies doesn't watch as many movies as other people do.. i used to find it rather awkward and some-other-word that i can't quite place right now.. 
I thought myself to death and then realised  the difference between the audience and the character n a film.. if it wasn't for a handfull of authors , the world would have been deprived of a brilliant reading habit..similarly, if it wasn't for a number of directors, producers, actors, writers...the world would have been deprived of an almost obsessive addiction of watching movies..
a "watcher" is prime..
The fact that he can watch a dozen movies in a day calling it "the movie marathon" is the reason why the difference exists..
Its a li'lle difficult to articulately put in words but its he who makes our industry survive..with his constant flipping through the net for new "weed".. movies that release and are not affordable in the daily routine of a "commoner" (as shakespeare refers to the underprivileged society in Julius Caesar)..

It is them that keep us alive, the strugglers, the A-listers, and the veterans.. we turn audience to our own films knowing where the director said "cut" and where he let the camera rolling for the emotion must have seemed real enough in spite of the glycerine warming up to a tear stained face.. 
The curse of being an actor is the knowledge of what was real and what was unreal in a film.. the million dollar sets were real , yes, but only for a tight scheduled budget line, which when expired, so did the million dollar dream of the perfect mansion, the perfect waterfall and the perfect bed on which we made love..
The realisation of the unreal is such an ache that it ceases all other sensation, those of adventure, of wishes and dreams and callous beliefs in a certain red-coated, white-bearded man called Santa.. The tooth fairy seems nothing more than a fellow actor out of work trying to live up to the so very lived-in lavish lifestyle..

The flaws stand out more for an actor with every new film when her favourite contemporary actress seems to look a li'lle more beautiful on the screen-palate.. she blames not her age or the worries of the world that has lent the tired scratches on her face but the color-correction and the technical disadvantages of a small-budget meaningful movie where she was not meant to look beautiful, but real..

The audience.. the common man only sees the glorious her..lost n the lust for the woman whose his fantasy come true.. the last surviving unicorn for which he keeps yearning everyday and misses not one wrong footing.. the actor slowly becomes god.. an then desire to achieve that god.. then the sudden realisation of her favours to another man whom the commoner cannot harm in jealousy..makes her nothing more than a conniving little whore who betrayed his undying love..

We are merely pawns to our own kind..pawns to their stories built up in their heads.. a character from the film which becomes their reality.. they accomplish relationships with those make believe characters without really knowing the person..
But thats allright.. where would we be if they didn't lust for us?? 
How else would we be saved if we weren't "playing" the "damsels in distress"??
its all fair..

And for us??
cinema remains the magic mirror before which , each day, a forgotten yesteryear actress stands in her best velvet and silk.. and commands,"MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL...WHO IS THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL???"

and the answer's always someone else...

Friday, 12 April 2013

The Unborn

She sleeps so sweet..
my angel,
the girl of my dreams..
i crumple in peace..
in pieces..
though bliss it still seems..

such a boon..
like spring,
seamless as the sea..
like parchment maps..
so fragile,
a note hidden under my morning tea..

like summer curtains..
swaying always
something old, something blue..
like unread chapters..
of the favourite book,
something borrowed something new..

i know she hears me not..
the unborn,
and she shall never see..
but i'll crave yet..
for her some more..
and always know how she'd be..

they say she's gone..
for forever..
for no stars shine above..
li'lle do they know..
she lives..

fast asleep in my cradle of love..

Thursday, 6 December 2012

Letter to Ignorance

Dear IGNORANCE,

                          How have you been?? Quite active it seems to me.. everyone keeps talking about you.. you are the star..aren' you now, my little devil... how come you do not visit Grandma anymore????
I worry about you.. i think at times that you are taking up too much space in people's lives.. 
You seem to have grown rich and powerful enough to buy more and more land.. more than anyone can acquire in one miserly lifetime..
But my son... don't you think you should slow down the pace in which you seem to be growing...
But then.. success makes you hungry, doesn't it?
Even as a kid.. you were always greedy for more.. more peanut butter.. more chocolate chip cookies...
But you are a grown up now my baby..
And i feel like i do not know you anymore..
i wish i had not indulged your wants for more... as a child..
then perhaps.. you would come home once in a while... to rekindle the forgotten memories of my warm lap.. the peanut butter.. the roasted marshmallows.. 
But you've already had so much of all that already.. haven't you???

I miss you..

The child of my thoughts... you are still bliss.. only not for me anymore..

                                                                                                        love,


                                                                                                        Grandma memory.